Description
Of all the communications skills you might need to
develop in your business, professional, and personal
relationships, none is so important and expedient as
listening. It's in short supply. You have the
opportunity to make it a priority, and in doing so,
gain an edge on the job, in your education, and even
in your love life! Read on...

Article
Another tie, another bottle of perfume, a computer
calendar, some chocolates. Do I really need more of
that stuff ? I know they mean well, but, gosh, where’s
the imagination, the creativity, the warmth?

I suppose I’m no different. When I get out in those
crowded malls and busy streets, I go brain dead. No
matter the occasion, I just buy the first convenient
thing I see. I save the receipt in case they want to
return it for something they can actually use.

Sound familiar? If so, let me offer a possible
alternative. In recent studies, it’s been shown that
the greatest hunger in our nation is not for food
(though that in itself is a great way to share our
good fortune with others). The hunger is not even for
companionship, as important and necessary as that is.
The greatest hunger among people of every persuasion
is the desire--the need--to be heard. Just to be
listened to with open mind, open arms, open heart. Let
me spill my tears and my guts without judgment,
without criticism, without disgust. Can I ever receive
that from anyone without paying $200 an hour on the
couch? And even then, am I convinced the listener even
cares? I may be just one more in an assembly line.

It’s easy to say to people, please become better
listeners. Okay, so how to do that. . .

First, it must be our intention to listen. We need to
get clear within ourselves why it would even be
important for us to be good listeners. After all,
what’s in for us? Why would we take the time to
develop skills that may or may not serve our own
needs?

What’s in it for us are better relationships, grateful
customers and clients, happier spouses and children, a
better world in which to live. Sound simplistic? Read
on.

Second, we must make the commitment to listen. A
commitment is not a promise; a commitment is an
expected result that determines our present-moment
behavior. We can tell by our daily practices and
interactions with others just how committed we are to
listening, and then adjust accordingly. (Actually, if
you want to know what you’re committed to, on any
level, look at what you have in your life and what you
are doing on a consistent basis. That’ll tell you.)

Third, we must be silent, inwardly as well as
outwardly. No interrupting, no wandering off mentally,
no ‘waiting to talk,’ no judging.

Fourth, we must respond, letting the speaker know that
we either understand what is being offered or we
don’t, in which case, we ask clarifying questions
until we do.

Finally, and this is where I often get some strange
responses (or reactions, actually!), we must learn to
take 100% responsibility for conciseness and
preciseness in all of our personal and professional
communications--speaking, listening, writing. No more
excuses about not hearing right, or blaming others for
not understanding what we have said or written. We do
everything in our power to make certain we are
understood. We expect it from others; we can offer no
less.

This gift of listening--and it is a most powerful and
excellent gift--calls us to task. It's a magnificent
way to show others how much we care. It compels us to
think new thoughts and practice new habits.

We can keep giving our ties and bottles of perfume.
That’s okay. I suggest, though, that we consider
adding the gift of listening to our giving lists this
year. No need to wait for a special occasion, either.
Your listeners will love you for it and you will be
equally blest. Everything you give returns to you,
full measure, pressed down and running over.

Are you listening?